“It never did me any harm...”
Smacking children is a sign that parents have run out of ideas, not a statement of parental authority.
Smacking is misguided, ineffective and leaves parents with a sense of failure. To start with, it teaches children that it’s OK to use aggression to deal with problems. If adults do it then it must be OK for kids too, right? The result is that many kids who are smacked regularly will hit out as a first reaction, when we really want them to problem-solve and have a range of solutions to conflicts. Most children who are aggressive at school have experienced aggression at home, and in a sense they can’t be blamed for repeating what they have learnt.
Physical punishment almost always happens when a parent loses emotional control. It represents a failure of authority, not a statement of authority, and deep down parents know it. To make matters worse, smacking really doesn’t work. Children quickly get used to physical punishment and parents are left with a choice: find another approach, or smack harder and more often. Many kids actually prefer smacking to other strategies because it is over quickly, and even ask their parents for a smack instead of other sanctions.
People often say “I was smacked, and it never did me any harm”. I disagree. The fact that they are repeating this negative strategy in their own parenting shows that they have been blinded to the alternatives. Research shows that rewarding children for good behaviour and having a range of non-physical sanctions for unacceptable behaviour is far more effective, and leaves everyone feeling better about themselves. It’s not political correctness, it’s common sense.
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